If you have minor children and are going to be getting a divorce, a mediated divorce is most likely your best divorce process option. Here are my top two reasons:
1. You retain control of the decisions for your children. Your children are the most important thing to you. You have tried your best to make decisions that are in their best interests, to protect them and to give them the best possible life.
Why would you give someone you have never met the power to make the most important decisions affecting your children's lives now?
If you engage in traditional litigation, you may well be on a path to give over to a judge the most important decisions for your kids.
In the mediation process, you retain control over these decisions. Sure, it will require you and your sposue to compromise to reach agreement. But you decide what you compromise away. You retain your power by making choices, rather than having a decision imposed on you.
2. Mediation is the process least likely to destroy what if left of a relationship with your spouse and co-parent. In traditional litigation, I often found that even if the parties had some amount of good will left toward each other at the beginning, by the end of the process that was gone.
"Why is this important," you ask. Because if you are a parent, you need to maintain a relationship with your soon-to-be-ex for the rest of your children's lives! Often people heading into a divorce aren't thinking long-term. They're just thinking about the here and now - the getting over the pain their in.
But if you have kids together, whether you're divorced or not, you're in it together for life! You don't want it to be torture to you -- or your kids -- to see your ex at a graduation or wedding or other major life event. You should be able to be cordial and have what I refer to as a "professional parenting relationship." Even if the love is gone, think of your spouse as your co-worker in the joint job of parenting your kids. How would you want to be treated as a co-worker? What kind of relationship would you like to have with your co-worker?
Mediation offers a process without aggressive advocates for each party adding fuel to the fire. Mediation offers a process that allows the parties the ability to maintain that cordial relationship they both want to maintain for the best interests of their children.
If you are considering divorce, contact mediators in your local area for a consultation.
Many mediators, like myself, offer a free 1/2 hour consultation for you and your spouse to come together and obtain information about the mediation process. It is worth your time to do your research and get as much information as you can before you start your divorce.
For the vast majority of couples, mediation is an appropriate option. And not only will it be the best option for your children, but it also happens to be the quickest and least costly option as well (special bonus!).
If you live in Pima County, Arizona, contact me for a free 1/2 hour mediation consultation: (520) 628-1929.
