In a previous post I discussed some tips for anyone considering a divorce (see Post below). This is Part II of "Considering a Divorce?" This is an interesting game called "Try It on For Size."
There are two parts to this "game." The first part deals with the emotional aspects of ending your relationship. The second deals with financial aspects and will be covered in my next post.
You don't' need to tell anyone that you are playing this game. This is just for you.
Game Number 1: Is the Grass any Greener?1
If you've been wondering if the grass is any greener out there than in your present relationship, why not pretend that you're divorced for a day? For one whole day, as you go about your business in the world, imagine that you are divorced. When you go to the coffee shop for your morning joe, mentally pretend you are single (mentally pretend -- you're not actually asking for phone numbers here!).
Now look around you. Is there anyone you would want to flirt with? Anyone you can see giving your number to? Try this at the grocery store, soccer field, hardware store, the office -- anywhere that you are around people.
Imagine yourself single. These are the potential dates and companions you might have.
PLEASE NOTE that I am NOT suggesting you actually make dates with others when you are married. This is a game of imagination, not action.
What was the result of this experiment for you? How do you interpret the results?
How you interpret the results is totally up to you. Be honest with yourself. Look inside.
Here are a few ideas to consider in interpreting the results.
If you tried the game and found that you weren't attracted to anyone - or at least not enough that you'd flirt with them - then perhaps you still have significant attachment to your current relationship. In that case, why not consider trying to improve the relationship (and for suggestions on that, see previous posts below and check back here from time to time for tips). If you are interested in improving your marriage, I suggest a book, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It," by Patricia Love, Ed.D., and Steven Stosny, Ph.D. This is an excellent book with tips that will appeal to both men and women. Even if you are thinking you're going to end this relationship, this book will help you to understand the opposite sex and male/female relationships better so that you're next relationship will be an improvement for you.
If you played the game and found yourself readily able to imagine yourself dating others, perhaps your commitment to your marriage/partner is not that strong. Only you can gauge the strength of your commitment but consider how eager you were during this game. Were you disappointed that you couldn't actually follow through and pursue a relationship with someone else? Also consider this, if you knew that your spouse played this "game," and knew that he/she was attracted to others and seriously would consider dating someone else if not married to you, how would you feel about that? Jealous perhaps. But would you feel that your spouse - in that scenario - was not fully committed to you?
Take some time to reflect on your findings before you make a decision about your relationship. Even if you found yourself eager to meet someone new, it doesn't mean that your marriage is over if you don't want it to be. It may just mean that the relationship needs some repair. If you want to improve your relationship and re-commit, then please read the book I referenced above and real other posts below. Try the techniques suggested and see what happens.
If you are strongly considering divorce, try the second "Try It On For Size" game that will be forthcoming in my next post.
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1 Thank you to my friend Elena who gave me the original suggestion for this first "Try It on For Size" game.
